By G.
Best,
No, not best. Worst. Everything I wrote in this email is something I said in a call we just had, but I wrote it down and sent it to you so you can’t hose me later.
Hope this helps!
The contents of this email either a) explain in excessive and excruciating detail how to do something you should know how to do (e.g., convert a Word file to a PDF or perform a Google search) or b) reiterate the thing I said in the email I sent you literally just before this one. If this doesn’t help you, nothing will.
OR
I like you and I legitimately hope this helps.
Thanks, and so sorry for the confusion!
You outrank me, so I fixed your mistake. Also, I am a woman, hence the apology I don’t owe you.
OR
I made a mistake and—though I am but an imperfect mortal for whom mistakes are expected and can be used as opportunities for growth—I am a woman and I will never forgive myself.
Looking forward to speaking!
I am not actually looking forward to speaking and neither are you. Nor are we excited about “launching” this “effort” together, but our bosses (cc’d) seem super stoked about it.
Happy to jump on a call to talk this through…
I know what I wrote is supreme nonsense, but this is the best I can do right now on account of the crippling anxiety and depression. Maybe out-loud words will help, but probably not. Please don’t call.
OR
I simply do not trust you to do this on your own.
Thanks!
I got no beef with you.
Sigh…
For legal reasons, I can not write how I actually feel about this thread I just forwarded you, but later today we will jump on a call and talk some shit.
Sincerely,
I bcc’d my boss on this one.
[No sign-off]
You. You are my ride or die. I would be lost without you. Our co-dependent work relationship transcends boundaries, and that’s the way we like it. In fact, I probably sent you this email, then chatted you, then texted you something I couldn’t send in a chat, then sent you a TikTok that only you and I will appreciate. When you share one spiritual wavelength, you don’t need sign-offs. Also, please don’t quit.
More to come…
I did not complete the assignment.
…
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