By Britta
To the half of you who tested positive for COVID this week, I hope your symptoms are mild and you'll recover quickly.
To the other half of you, don't bother wasting a test: you also have COVID. Your symptoms should emerge in about 24-36 hours.
I know, we all thought Delta was bad. But we also thought housing prices were high in 2018, thought Jordan was retiring in 1993, and thought politics had gotten nasty when GWB was running for re-election.
Well, the little bungalow across the street sold for $1.5m in 2 days, Jordan got three more rings, a QAnon shaman in a viking hat stormed the senate, and 750,000 people got COVID yesterday... in the U.S.
This time it's really real. They've had to change the scale on the World-O-Meter graphs to accommodate the height of the current spike, turning former outbreaks into cute little hills along the timeline at the foot of this Everest.
So, just to reiterate, we're all in this together. As in, we're all going to make each other sick. I'm a *little* bit sad that, after holding out for so long, I'm finally going to get it now, when EVERYONE is doing it. But I also got a Stanley tumbler for Christmas and dyed my hair white/silver/purple, so it feels appropriate that I should follow pandemic trends instead of set them.
Omicron is coming for me.
I'm Leonardo DiCaprio at the end of Blood Diamond, laying on the hill waiting for the soldiers to come.
I'm Felicity Jones in Rogue One, watching a fiery tsunami coming.
The daughter in Taken hiding under a bed, waiting to get snatched.
Playing my violin on the Titanic.
I had a negative test yesterday, which means I'm on borrowed time. Time I will spend in my puffy coat, staring out on the sunset, and smelling the sea air. Just waiting for the wave to rise and take me.
See you on the other side.