By Britta
Well, the winter Olympics happened.
They happened the same way my “Super Bowl Party” happened.
"Hey, Beijing, what are you doing in February of 2022?"
"Not much. Should we do something?"
"Yeah - there's this Olympics thing that needs to happen, I was kind of hoping we could do it at your place?"
"Well, I guess I could do that. Not much else going on. You know - COVID and stuff."
"Totally. COVID's the worst. Everyone else is being a total drag and doesn't really want to have people over, so if we could come to your place that would be awesome. We don't need to invite too many people, just some of the world's elite athletes, and some people who picked up the right hobby at the right time. I mean, you have the facilities and the infrastructure already set up, right?"
"Well... kind of..."
"Do you have mountains and snow? Something like the Alps?"
"We have some hills and a snow machine."
"Perfect! That's the same thing!"
"They're right by some power plants. Will that be a problem?"
"No! We will paint some Olympic rings on the smoke stacks and they will look festive!"
"Okay - but don't go too crazy with the decorations. We're not really in a partying mood."
"That's perfect - no one there will be, either. Just a group of people who have given their whole lives to participate in this shell of an event, knowing that at any second they could trip and decimate 26,000 hours of practice and all their hopes and dreams. And they each get to bring one friend. And by "friend" I mean a high-strung coach who never achieved the same level of glory but who is hoping that just maybe they can achieve greatness through someone else who could implode their whole life's work with one fall. All the real family and friends will be thousands of miles away. So, that kind of party."
"We love those kinds of parties! We can totally ride that vibe. But is there a chance people might get just a little bit down or discouraged by having to live in isolation and having no one there to watch or cheer for them?"
"Good point. We should give them something to keep them company, like a little stuffed panda. Could you manufacture something like that?"
"Is the sky grayish blue?! We could have 12,000 completed by the end of the day."
"Okay I'm going to get the word out, you spruce up your indoor ice rinks cause we have 600 curling matches to schedule! More like 800 with the round robins..."
"What the hell is curling?"
"It's this thing... with brooms... and ice... and... well, never mind. All you need to know is that in 10 years you'll be sweeping those medals, too. Sorry, Canada."
"Excellent. This is sounding better and better. We'll get the snow machines out of storage, make some giant Olympic ring stencils for our smoke stacks, prisons, and sewage treatment plants, and design a stuffed animal that says, 'you're alone and you'll probably lose, but at least you have me.' You go round up all the major TV networks."
"Um, about that. You guys are kind of in your own time zone over here so most of the live events will happen in the middle of the night for the rest of the world."
"Probably for the best."
"Glad we're on the same page here."
"So, we'll see you at 4?"
"Yes, I'll bring some low fat chips and tonic water to share. Let's get this party started!”
“Woah, woah, slow down.”
“Sorry. Let’s get this industrial ice sweeping event started.”
“That’s better.”