Chapter 1: Books For the People
I could write a book... but it would be easier to not write a book.
By Britta
This may not come as a surprise, but, I’ve received more than my share of unsolicited life advice. It comes in all areas - fashion, parenting, whether or not I have something in my teeth - but mostly it’s literary: multiple people have told me I “should write a book.” I don’t really know what to say so I just yell back, “no one puts Baby in a corner!” and run. It’s actually how I end most of my conversations.
Thing is, no one gives me any more details than that, just that I should write “a book.” I can only assume they all mean I should write a comprehensive treatise on the sociopolitical conditions of the mid-90’s that gave rise to and grew from Mark Wahlberg’s transition from hip hop to Oscar-nominated acting, complete with a mapping of the social dynamics of the Funky Bunch. I know it’s something I catch myself thinking about when I’m drifting off to sleep, and I don’t blame people for wanting a deeper exploration of the subject matter. But I think I’m too emotionally close to the topic to be able to write objectively on it.
Another problem with the prospect of me writing that or any other type of book, however, is this minor little glitch: I don’t know how to write a book.
“No!” you might say, “surely writing biweekly (sometimes) rambling reflections on everyday nothingness requires the exact same skillset as creating a 200+-page book with a cohesive and deliberate story arc!” But it’s actually true. I can write 20 pages with laser focus if it's on research findings, and I bet I could push one of these Calmish posts up to 5-ish pages if I wrote about my disdain for parades, but when I think about writing an actual book, well, I suddenly remember that the recycling bin needs to be replaced, that it’s been three days since I’ve checked Redfin listings in cities I have no intention to move to, and that all of Veronica Mars is on Hulu. Where do you even start a book? In the middle somewhere? And do I let Mark and Donnie Wahlberg’s complex relationship fold into the story organically, or do I just start there since I know it will be a major theme? Or... I could just not worry about it and watch 25-year old Kristen Bell navigate high school, life, and other people’s mysteries, learning that there are some puzzles – like love – that her private eye instincts and wry witticisms just can’t solve? The choice seems clear.
But, just in case you’re starting to feel despondent at the prospect of continuing to live in a world without my book, let me tell you, I have visited that dark mental space on many a day, and I have found a piercing ray of sunshine that always cuts through the darkness and pulls me up out of the fog. It’s the same piece of sunshine that pulls me up out of all my aspirational troughs. It’s simply this:
It will happen, because Future Britta will do it.
You don’t know Future Britta??? Future Britta is super amazing and does lots of things. I think about her ALL the time. She has a slightly longer torso and, inexplicably, speaks with a bit of an accent. She actually plays her drum kit in the garage, and actually cooks recipes from her cookbooks. She has put pictures in all the frames on the walls, drinks kombucha and knows what it is, and has a minimalist, culturally sensitive playroom. In her spare time she writes thoughtful and hilarious books rather than perusing her mom’s Netflix account, and she is most fulfilled by the personal growth that comes from challenging herself rather than by the prospect of a few hours when she doesn’t have to do or think about anything. She’s very mature and self-confident and feels like a grown up, and she has cooked short ribs. Like I said, she’s pretty amazing.
Now, there are LOTS of legitimate reasons why I cannot do any of those things in my life right now. But those will all be gone soon, and then Future Britta will take over. I don’t actually know what those reasons are, or how they will disappear – but Future Britta will take care of all of that, too. She’s the best.
So, to answer the question, yes, the book will get written, and it will be REALLY amazing. Just like my house. And my cooking. And my musical talents. And my moral character.
I really can’t wait.